Trump’s Border Wall, Healthy Food Baby Names – Monologue

-Let’s get to the news. President Trump spoke at a Hanukkah reception today at the White House. Well, technically, he made a wish and blew out the candles. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter continues ] According to The Daily Beast, President Trump dismissed the economic impact of increasing the national debt, saying that he, quote, “Won’t be here […]

Whole Foods Apologies

FOLKS, I LOVE SHOPPING AT WHOLE FOODS. BECAUSE I LOVE ORGANIC PRODUCE AND I CANNOT STAND HAVING MONEY. (LAUGHTER) SO IT REALLY BE BUMMING ME OUT TO SEE WHOLE FOODS GETTING INTO A WHOLE LOT OF ORGANIC, NATURAL, GLUTEN-FREE TROUBLE. THEY WERE CAUGHT ROUTINELY OVERSTATING THE WEIGHT OF ITS PACKAGED PRODUCTS. (AUDIENCE REACTS) A LOT OF GUYS DO […]